When it came to baby #3, Ryan really didn't want to find out the gender. This was a tiny bit surprising to me because we have discussed this before and at least on my end, not finding out was NOT an option. Granted, I know we already have one of each so it would be much easier to do. I get it. But I want to know! I feel like it helps me connect with the baby more.
As the time grew closer and I realized we were going to have to make a decision, I started asking around. One of my friends in Casper decided not to find out. Fred and Jari didn't find out with at least their last one, maybe even the one before. They said it was a cool experience. But I wasn't totally sold.
At last I decided that okay, we could let it be a surprise. I still had a couple concerns though. One was Pierscen. He DESPERATELY wanted a brother. And though the thought of recording him meeting his sibling was really tempting - either super excited or super sad, I didn't want his first reaction to his sibling to be one of disappointment or dislike. You know? The other thing was that all of our baby clothes for both genders were still in Utah in storage. Yes I was planning a trip to Utah, but which ones would I bring back? Especially if I couldn't fit them both?
Well, the day before the ultrasound came and I found out that Ryan wasn't coming with me. To be fair, I had told him that I understood if he couldn't make it due to work, but I honestly thought he was coming. Suddenly I felt... abandoned. Alone. I don't know. I know that sounds super dramatic. But I was only brave enough to NOT find out if we were in this together. Going by myself I felt like I was being forced to make a decision I wasn't ready to make. I had a bit of a melt down about it. Ryan asked me what percentage of me wanted to not find out the gender.
"Zero! Zero percent. This wasn't my idea! I was only willing to do it if we went together."
"Oh. Cause I'm like 50%."
Sigh. I was really flustered and frustrated. I went to the ultrasound feeling anxious and upset because I still didn't know what to do. Ryan told me to go ahead and find out - that it was okay with him. But no, how could I just go ahead and find out knowing that he didn't want to know? (My original idea was to find out and then do a gender surprise for the whole family. But that was really early on.) So he suggested that we have them write it down or something and then let Pierscen open it up. I agreed.
The technician was really great at using gender neutral terms and telling me when to look away. She took a photo, put it in an envelope and that was that. Everything looked great on baby.
So here's the funny thing. Once I had that envelope, I was totally at peace not knowing. Like I could have tossed it in the trash and it wouldn't have mattered to me. Because I had the option! Because I could choose. I told Ryan that I had the envelope and guess what? He freaked. Could NOT stand not knowing. I told him that it was hanging on the fridge and even though he was at work, he was ready to come home and rip it open.
Had I not had them write it down/take a picture, he would have been okay. But knowing that it was at home just taunting him, he was going insane. Funny, right?
I told him I could throw it away or shred it and that I would be okay with that. I asked him how he would feel if I did, (wondering if he was suddenly enthusiastic to find out simply because he knew I wanted to find out.) He said he would genuinely be upset.
Okay then. I guess we are finding out. I honestly didn't want to at that point, but I knew the boys really wanted it and it would certainly help with the logistics of things.
So we had a short FHE lesson from the Proclamation to the World on the family and talked about how gender is determined before this life and how important it is. (Basically trying to prep Pierscen in case it was a girl.) We then gave him the envelope and told him to look for words that might say what it was. We made sure he knew to look for something that started with "B" for boy or "G" for girl. His reaction was pretty priceless.
It took him a bit to find it, but when it did he nearly shot off the couch. It's a BOY! He could not be more thrilled!
I don't think Devry really cared/understood much either way, but both kids are very excited to have a sibling on the way. Pierscen is the most amazing little guy. He loves babies so, so much. He has been telling anyone and everyone we meet for the last couple of months that mom is having a baby boy and how he has "always wanted a little brother." He will be an amazing help and support. I think Devry will be a wonderful big sister too, though I do anticipate more jealousy issues from her. But she thinks babies are cute and she is quite a natural little mother too.
So here we go! Baby boy #2 is on his way!
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