Once upon a time, nearly three years ago, Ryan moved to this distant place called Wyoming. One day, he was working with a nurse who was expecting her second child. During their conversation, Ryan learned that in Casper, and many/most parts of Wyoming, if you have had one c-section, that was it. No VBACs allowed. Ry called to tell me all about it.
This, of course, was not what I was hoping to hear. Pierscen's c-section was a fluke. The only real reason it happened was because his skull was prematurely fused, therefore his skull couldn't overlap the way it's supposed to in order to fit. Other than that, there was no medical reason I shouldn't have been able to have a regular delivery. But we knew this was something that we might have to face. Even with all the medical research showing that VBACs are better, there are a few places - like Casper, that won't budge.
Even still, Pierscen was only a few months old at the time, so I held out hope that things might change.
As soon as I moved out here, I found the doctor's office I wanted to be part of and scheduled my appointment. The doctor confirmed everything Ryan had been told. He said they used to push for VBACs but then the insurance company said no and blah blah blah. Over the course of the next two years, the finger was constantly shifted from the insurance, to the doctor, to the hospital. No one really wanted to take blame. Likely it was a combination of things.
I went through a wide gambit of emotions. Acceptance one minute, to total outrage the next. Due to some research done by my best friend, Nicia, I learned there is a group here in Casper that has been lobbying for VBACs for years with zero success. The hospital's stance is the same. If you want to have your baby here, the answer is no. If you want to VBAC that badly, go somewhere else. Frustrating isn't anywhere close to the word I would use for this situation. The hospital (and my doctor) said that they do not have the staff always on call in order to be prepared to operate if needed. I'm still not sure how much I believe that. My doc did say that she had a girl that needed an emergency c-section and there was no anesthesiologist so they had to do the c-section using local only. Crappy situation no doubt, but I am still on the fence about the whole truth of things. The hospital here is a Trauma Center. They have to have people on call. Right?! And we are the hub for the majority of the state. How can we not have the staff for this?!
Anyway...be that as it may, there is a way around it. You can VBAC so long as you go into labor on your own and then sign a form in the hospital saying you refuse a c-section unless it's life threatening. (I did seriously consider going to Utah to have the baby because they do VBAC all the time, but the rule is still the same. You have to go into labor on your own. They won't induce because it can cause some big complications with c-section moms. Although one of my friends said her doc induced... trying not to feel jipped there.) So that was my only hope. Labor on my own. And with that, I knew I was doomed. My body has no idea how to go into labor on my own.
When I was preggo with P, I wasn't overly anxious about trying to get him here early by trying all the crazy stuff women do to get their labor started, but with this one, I was open to trying just about anything. But there were two things working against me. 1. My body, as just mentioned, is clueless regarding labor. 2. They schedule c-sections a week early for that very reason- to avoid the patient going into labor on their own. Herein lies my only real regret. This is a POST-birth comment here, but I don't want the actual birth story to be weighed down by my anger issues regarding the retarded nature of this whole VBAC situation. At one of my appointments, I asked my doctor if I was "allowed" to refuse the c-section until my actual due date, or a week after. Would they still treat me? My doctor seemed a little surprised by the question. Her response was, "Well, most people don't do that. We are trying to avoid you going into labor on your own." I wanted to scream. No duh! I know that's why they do it. And that's why I didn't want to go early. Except that of course almost any woman would love to go a week early. And yes, there was a part of me that really did want to have the baby a week early because that would separate her birthday and Pierscen's birthday just a little bit more. Not to mention Christmas. So of course, there are some big perks to having the baby early.
My regret is that I didn't push it. My regret is that I didn't get a real answer. Yes, waiting until my due date, or the week after would have put that baby really close to Christmas (14th or 21st), and chances are I would have had to have a c-section either way because, as you remember, I can't go into labor on my own, but at least I would have tried. At least I would have had the chance.
But I opted for the earlier birthday. And the set due date. It definitely makes it easier when my mom was planning on flying out to help.
That being said, I did try everything I could on the off chance that I might go into labor on my own. But not only was it unlikely, but I had a week less to make it happen. Okay, I didn't try the castor oil, but I was willing. My cousin swears it worked for her.
During my prehospitaliziation appointment, I was told that pictures in the OR are not allowed at all. This really bothered me. Not only was the choice of how I brought my child into the world being stripped away, but now I couldn't even document it. I was furious. I asked my doc about it and she said it was actually an anesthesia thing and that if it were up to her she wouldn't care if we took pictures on the whole thing. (We did with Pierscen and it was super cool.) I told Ryan to keep his phone in his pocket and take the picture anyway... but I'll get back to that in the real story.
Going in for a planned c-section is a strange thing. I know this is crossing the border into the actual birth story, but I'll throw it out there as my last bit of emotional baggage. As odd as it may sound, having a baby via c-section feels a bit like robbery. Or being cheated. Okay, of course I'm not jealous of the pain of labor, but I really, really, really wanted to experience the excitement of going into labor. The whole, "Ah! It's time to go to the hospital!" thing. And I really wanted the chance to feel that euphoria of pushing the baby out and feeling that "I just had a baby!" triumph as the baby is handed to you for the first time. You know, all covered in blood and grossness but so totally amazingly fresh and miraculous? Not 45 minutes later in a recovery room after a brief glance and awkward side kiss to the head while your arms and tied down. Didn't know about that? Yeah... your arms are strapped down during a c-section. I didn't get to hold Pierscen until a few hours later. I did ask my doc if this time I could hold my baby and she said yes, so that was something. Anyway... there are certainly perks to the c-section method, but it's just nothing like the experience I dreamed of having - actively participating in the birth rather than laying there with a curtain physically and kind of emotionally separating me from the whole thing. It's stupid. Okay. There. I've said it. C-sections are stupid. Medically necessary and life saving - I wouldn't have my son without them - but stupid. I might not be so bitter about it if I had at least had the choice. If I had gone full term or even over and then still needed a c-section, then there wouldn't be the what if game. But it is what it is. Now no matter where I end up in the world, two c-sections is the deciding factor. It's slice and dice all the way for me! Hahaha.
Okay. I'm done. I just wanted this post as a separate Negative Nelly complaint board so that I didn't get into any of that in the actual story, because come on! I just had a baby! And it was awesome! Mostly... Hahaha. And I didn't want to bog down the story with the history of my fight against the rules here. Stay tuned. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment